Fairhaven Blog

As we head into Memorial Day weekend, I wanted to take this time to remind everyone that the freedoms we have in this country weren't free. They were paid for with the lives of service men and women. We have had services and/or have graves here at Fairhaven for those who died in wars going all the way back to the Civil War. It's quite a legacy for the community and the company.

Each year the staff at Fairhaven puts on a huge Memorial Day event and, like Easter, you'll find the staff out on the grounds doing things they don't normally do in the course of their work. You'll find Jon Searfoss, the Accounting Manager, handing out water and hot dogs along with the rest of the Accounts Receivable staff. Jon's father was a veteran of the Korean War. You'll find Vice President Leo O'Connor making sure that his parking staff directs cars correctly through the park and that everyone finds somewhere to put their car.

Out by the flower shop, the florist, Edel Cabrera, and what seems like a cast of thousands spend hours cooking hot dogs for the event and putting on an "after the event" luncheon as a thank you to the staff for their hard work. One of those hot dog cooks is A.V. Donovan, our Records Clerk, who is the widow of a Vietnam vet and whose son has served numerous tours in places like Afghanistan, Iraq and Bosnia. A.V. comes from a family with numerous war veterans. Liz Welch, the Human Resources Manager, will be dressed in red, white and blue, manning a golf cart, ferrying handicapped individuals, elderly persons and dignitaries. Liz's father was a veteran of WWII stationed in the Pacific theater.

Everyone on staff at Fairhaven does something on Memorial Day, from the grounds crew under the direction of Jay Rodriguez, who arrive not long after the sun rises to make sure the park is beautiful with no flower out of place, to our receptionists Yolanda Medina and Carol Sexton, who field call after call for locations of loved ones, to our hardworking Master of Ceremonies, Lou Carlson, who has to speak to the crowd of thousands in front of the historic mausoleum. It's an event we all take pride in regardless of what our job might be that day. And it is an honor for us to help people find the graves of their loved ones especially if they served our country.

Like Veteran's Day, Memorial Day reminds me of my father who so proudly served as a scout in the CIC (Counter Intelligence Corps) in New Guinea in WWII. He believed in honoring those who fought for our country while they are alive as well as in death and he was a member of the American Legion for many years. What we do here would have reminded him of the sacrifices of the men and women of the armed forces of this country and their families. As it reminds us all.

National WWI Monument

 National WWII Monument

National Korean War Monument

National Vietnam War Monument

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington Cemetery, Virginia

The Tom Wall USMC Columbarium, North Gardens, Fairhaven Memorial Park

Many thanks to the men and women of today's armed forces, their families and all those who served before them. Their sacrifice is not forgotten nor unappreciated.

Please do join us on Monday, May 28 at 10:30 am for Fairhaven Memorial Park's 20th Annual Memorial Day Service. We have  Military Guest Speakers, the Blue Eagles Honor Guard, an Aerial Fly Over, the Orange County Concert Band, the National Anthem Performed by our “Star-Spangled Singer” contest winner Jennifer Malman, the “Sound of Liberty” by Catherine Johnston, Tim Ringgold and The Traditions Singers and “America’s Wars” Life Sized Photo Essays, Antique Cars Display and more…Don't forget to  enjoy a complimentary hot dog and refreshments during the program!

Happy Memorial Day from all of us at the Fairhaven Family Group - Fairhaven Memorial Park & Mortuary in Santa Ana, Fairhaven Memorial Services in Mission Viejo, Family Mortuary in Santa Ana and Infinity Cremation Society in Tustin.

Charity Gallardo, Blog Coordinator – Charity has been the Network Administrator for the Fairhaven Family Group for 13 years. When she’s not assisting staff with their computer issues, she is a published author of romance novels, an award winning cover artist and a blogger. 

FULLERTON GRIEF COUNSELOR NAMED FIRST RECIPIENT OF OLIVER HALSELL CAREGIVER AWARD

Dr. Debra Holland recognized for trauma, grief and crisis counseling, helping others in time of greatest need

Dr. Debra Holland, a noted author, psychotherapist and grief counselor, has volunteered time and again to help people find comfort in the wake of extreme chaos. For her dedication to helping others in their greatest time of need, Dr. Holland has been announced as the first recipient of Fairhaven’s Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award.

Fairhaven announced the recognition program last month, which pays tribute to local caregivers who have had an indelible impact on both their community and the individuals they serve.

“When a tragedy occurs, the presence of a compassionate and knowledgeable counselor is imperative to the healing process for those affected,” said Marla Noel, President of Fairhaven. “Dr. Holland has been a support system, sounding board and resource, courageously helping individuals recover from traumatic events.”

Author of The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving, Dr. Holland counsels people who are traumatized and grieving after having experienced some kind of critical incident, such as experiencing the death of a colleague, being witness to an accident, or being the victim of a robbery.

Dr. Holland has counseled the American Airlines flight crews and other personnel at LAX in the weeks following the attacks of 9/11. In 2005, she spent two weeks in Louisiana, volunteering as a mental health relief worker for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. She also volunteered as a counselor for victims of the Southern California wildfires. Most recently, she was one of several counselors who provided trauma and grief counseling for the staff and victims of the Edison shooting in Irwindale.

The Fullerton resident holds a master’s degree in Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy, and a PhD in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California and is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

“Grief is a unique, complex and often misunderstood experience. By providing a safe place to talk and by helping people understand how the trauma is impacting them, people start to feel better and begin healing. That makes all the difference to me,” said Dr. Holland of her work. “I’ve counseled many people in dramatic and painful situations, which is important work, yet I’ve also received just as much satisfaction in quietly reaching out to grieving individuals who are in need of comfort.”

Dr. Holland will be honored at Fairhaven’s Oliver Halsell Caregiver Awards banquet on November 1 at Fairhaven’s Mission Viejo location. The banquet will coincide with National Hospice and Palliative Care Month and will honor a year’s worth of achievements among the local caregiver community. Additionally, Fairhaven will make a donation to CurePSP on behalf of Dr. Holland to support the fund her family established in the name of her father, who died of the disease.

About the Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award

Fairhaven’s Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award pays tribute to Orange County caregivers whose kindness and dedication to serving others is inspirational. These courageous individuals go above and beyond their job description to serve with the utmost care and compassion. Fairhaven’s Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award winners come from many fields including private care, hospice, social work, counseling, assisted living, nursing, therapy and volunteer work.

Since Fairhaven is kicking off the Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award this week, I wanted to talk a little bit about caregivers and grief.

You do not have to be related to someone to feel grief when they die nor does the person have to be dead for you to feel grief. If you are a caregiver for someone with a terminal illness or you know someone who has been diagnosed with one, you know that the person will be gone soon. Even though they may still be with you, you begin to feel the effects of grief and loss. Mourning your loss before the person is actually gone is common.

On the Family Caregiver Alliance's website (caregiver.org), I found some very interesting information .

If you are the primary caregiver of someone you love, this experience can affect every aspect of your life for some time. It is natural to grieve the death of a loved one before, during and after the actual time of their passing. The process of accepting the unacceptable is what grieving is all about.

Anticipatory Grief

If someone has had a prolonged illness or serious memory impairment, family members may begin grieving the loss of the person's "former self" long before the time of death. This is sometimes referred to as "anticipatory grief." Anticipating the loss, knowing what is coming, can be just as painful as losing a life. Family members may experience guilt or shame for "wishing it were over" or seeing their loved one as already "gone" intellectually. It is important to recognize these feelings as normal. Ultimately, anticipatory grief is a way of allowing us to prepare emotionally for the inevitable. Preparing for the death of a loved one can allow family members to contemplate and clear unresolved issues and seek out the support of spiritual advisors, family and friends. And, depending on the impaired person's intellectual capacity, this can be a time to identify your loved one's wishes for burial and funeral arrangements.

We already know the benefits of pre-planning. Now there is an additional reason to do this. It can have a positive affect on your grief process to know that these arrangements are taken care of. Helping with the process of pre-planning also helps you to accept the inevitable. Families with loved ones in assisted living often rely on social workers and other caregivers to help them to know what to do when their loved one passes. Many caregivers offer referrals to funeral homes so families can pre-plan for their loved one.

At Fairhaven we have PR staff who do outreach to assisted living care facilities to talk about the benefits of pre-planning. The staff gives seminars to educate caregivers and family members about what they can expect when a loved one dies. We also have pre-planning counselors who visit these facilities to help families with their pre-arrangements. Our staff is quite knowledgeable about the benefits to the living of pre-planning for those who are ill, not the least of which is related to the grief they feel at having to make those arrangements.

Grief affects everyone at some time in their life. Sometimes the grief is stronger than we anticipate or occurs when we least expect it as in the case of a caregiver whose charge has not yet passed. If you are a caregiver who is experiencing feelings of loss and grief, don't be afraid to reach out for help. There are links to grief support groups on Fairhaven's website and the Family Caregiver Alliance website is filled with resources and information to help you through this time of loss. I wish I had had these resources when I was caring for my ill parents twenty-five years ago. It would have made a rough time much more bearable.

Just remember that you're not alone, help is out there and there are lots of things you can do to get through the grief process whether your loved one or your charge has passed or not. I hope this information and these links help you to find your way through your grief and loss.

~

The Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award pays tribute to Orange County caregivers whose kindness and dedication to serving others is inspirational. These courageous individuals go above and beyond their job description to serve with the utmost care and compassion. Fairhaven’s Oliver Halsell Caregiver Award winners come from many fields including private care, hospice, social work, counseling, assisted living, nursing, therapy and volunteer work. For more information, please visit Fairhaven Memorial Park's website under Community - Caregiver Award.

Charity Gallardo, Blog Coordinator – Charity has been the Network Administrator for the Fairhaven Family Group for 13 years. When she’s not assisting staff with their computer issues, she is a published author of romance novels, an award winning cover artist and a blogger.